Become a star is a new upcoming theatre company, funded by Arts Council England, to give you that fresh start to life.
Are you aged between 13-19?
Interested in Drama? Being Creative? Having fun?
The get yourself down to the Art Depot where we have a fantastic new rehabilitation programme for young people, and guess what? YES! It’s absolutely FREE!
This gives young people the opportunity to experience working as a team to put on a quality performance, in one of the best local theatres seating 140 people, experiencing the great feeling of being on a stage with a live paying audience watching. BAS hopes to stimulate young people’s minds to help the build up there confidence and character, for getting a healthy start to life. BAS are looking for hard working dedicated people.
So if you think your up for having a laugh and being involved in all the creativity BAS has to offer come and join us
Monday’s- Thursday’s 5.00pm- 7.00pm
Refreshments and snacks will be provided!
COME DRESSED COMFORTABLY!!!
5 Nethet Street
Arts Depot
North Finchley
Tally Ho Corner
N12 OGA
Hi Sharina,
ReplyDeleteI really think this has the potential to be a great piece of marketing. You have included all the relevant information required in a marketing piece such as What you are, where to find you, when it takes place, and who you are marketing to.
I would, however maybe consider varying the lay out a little, perhaps beginning with the question are you aged 13-19, interested in Dance and drama? Because if they answer yes to those questions you already have there interest. where as giving information might loose the readers attention early on.
I would put your information on bright star after the paragraph ending it's absolutly FREE!
You could then link that into the next section saying what you are offering.
regarding this paragraph, the content is really informative but maybe you could plug the organization by starting with Become a star gives... I think starting with "This" breaks the flow of the style you started in.
This sounds like a really good organization!
Tara.
Hello Tara,
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for your comment it is much appreciated and very much valid, everything that you have written i shall take on board as i completly agree with you.
I think i got so caught up with trying to remember what information it is I need to include that i didn't think about what's most important to the reader, as structuring it is most important, i will do it again... and yes you were correct in saying that it is my Market piece of writing.
Thanks again (",)
Sharina.
No problem,
ReplyDeleteThere really isn't much to do. Just a bit of rearranging. The content is all really good and tells you everything you need to know.
I think it will be good to get your target market(13-19) early on.
Tara.
Sharina,
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed reading your piece and could distinguish the writing style straight away.
I Agree with Tara that you should have the questions first and this will grab the reader instantly. It will also assure a strong and solid start to it.
When you say "Bas are looking for hard working dedicated people" you could add " is this you???" this will also grab the reader again, as they ask themselves that question.
It is fantastic that the service is free and I feel you should state this early on in the piece to make sure they read on. You could include it with the questions at the very beginning.
In the statement "Bas hopes to stimulate young peoples minds" Maybe you could think about taking out the "hopes" and adding "will" or " is sure" What do you think?? I believe it is more of a positive statement and will give the reader confidence it your products capability.
Like Tara said it has real potential to be a very good piece of marketing. Try to have a look at the structure of the piece to make sure it reads clear and simple. Then you could think about putting yourself into the readers shoes and ask some questions like; what does this offer me??, what will I gain from this??, when and where does it take place??
I look forward to reading your next draft Sharina.
Hey Michelle,
ReplyDeleteThank you also very much for your comments, i agreed also with what you were saying as it is a positive powerful market piece of writing so i have made the minor amendments that, you have suggested, i have also updated both my styles of writing so please have a look and tell me what you think thanks again, all your comments are much apreciated.
Sharina (",)